he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
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