she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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