Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
