if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
