The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
