Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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