I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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