Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He uses pillows to masturbate.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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