WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
