when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
