hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
