If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
