please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Randomize
