I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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