You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
