I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
