I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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