tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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