the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
