I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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