Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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