Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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