if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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