I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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