I can't breathe out the right side of my face
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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