I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
