I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
