remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
