Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
