She announced her abortion via fbk
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
