Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
