Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
