I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
