I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
