im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
