3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
