Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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