I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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