Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
