the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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