she was so not down for the gang bang
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
