It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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