Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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