He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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