Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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