At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
