If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
