I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
