He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The convent might be a nice break from real life
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
