At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
