I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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