nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
