Just fell off a train. Bad.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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