official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
